• Blog Home
  • Home
  • Books
  • Contact
  • Links
  • Reviews
  • Goodreads
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Eve Sumptor

~ The Sessions

Tag Archives: vulnerable

Session Seventeen

24 Saturday Mar 2018

Posted by Eve Sumptor in Uncategorized

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

confessions, Eve, Eve Sumptor-Riley, guilt, Lainey, love, therapy, truth, vulnerable, Woodrow

“I’m so sorry I’m late!”

Dr. Woodrow rushes into the office, tossing her briefcase to the side. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her flustered before. It’s nice to know she’s as human as I am.

“Not a problem. I just got here myself.” Fifteen minutes ago, but there’s no need to make her feel worse. Whatever was bothering her was enough. “Everything all right?”

“Oh!” She waves a hand in the air as though she’s fanning away all the bad vibes. “Yes, yes. My flight was a bit delayed, then my car service . . . and, we’re not here for me.”

“Please, doc. It makes me feel a little better that your life isn’t perfect.”

Dr. Woodrow let out a bark of laughter. “Perfect! Child, I wish. I made an impromptu visit to my niece in L.A. for the first time in a while. I had forgotten how terrible traveling can be when you don’t have a private jet.”

The good doctor winked at me to soften her slight jab. “All you have to do is ask, Willamena.” I’ve never used her first name before. But if I’m going to offer her my plane, I figure it’s more appropriate. “You tell Lainey and Adam I’m all cured and I’ll buy you a plane of your own.”

“You don’t have a disease, Eve.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Quite positive.”

“Hmm. How is Rebecca, by the way?” Mmhmm, I’m stalling. Seems to be my M.O. these days.

Dr. Woodrow hands me a cup of tea — when the hell did she make this — and parks herself in her usual seat. She sets her own tea on the small table next to her and lays that damn notebook on her lap.

“She’s fine. Actually, she’s more than fine. She’s happy.”

I smile genuinely. After everything Rebecca has been through, I’m glad she can now be happy. I’ll have to send Cass a nice gift basket. Or, maybe I’ll just buy a Cass Giles original painting. The woman is amazingly talented. And, I’m trying my best not to be jealous that she does it so effortlessly.

“Eve?”

“Hmm?”

“Where were you just then?”

I almost roll my eyes. Sometimes I wish I could see the look on my face when my mind starts to wander. Is it really that obvious, or is Dr. Woodrow just that good at what she does?

“I was just thinking about how happy I am for Rebecca and Cass. They’re truly great for each other.”

Dr. Woodrow opens her notebook and poises her pen. “And which part of that bothers you more? That they are happy, seemingly without problems? Or that Cass is doing what you want to do the most?”

The urge to get up and walk out is nearly too great to ignore. I hate that she asked the damn question. I hate even more that I’m not sure which bothers me more. Which, of course, makes me a terrible person.

“It’s normal to feel a bit of jealousy when your life seems to be in shambles,” she suggests gently when I don’t answer.

“Get out of my head, doc.”

Dr. Woodrow chuckles. “I’m a head shrink. It’s in the rule book that I get in there.”

“I don’t like it.” And now I sound like a petulant child. “Sorry. Truth is, I don’t know how to answer your questions.”

She writes something in her notebook. I think momentarily that I’ve finally become immune to that little action. Then that thought disappears when I’m actively wondering what was written.

“Give it a try.”

I clear my throat, take a sip of my tea, and clear my throat again. “Fine. I’m happy for Rebecca. She deserves someone good like Cass. I’m happy for Cass. She deserves for the world to know about her talent. And I wonder what the hell I ever did that was so wrong . . . no.” I shake my head. I’ve been thinking of this for weeks. I’m not pleased with my conclusion, but life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns.

“Eve?”

“I’m incredibly lucky,” I say quickly. “I’m loved by a great man. I have a beautiful, smart daughter. I’m rich, successful, and respected. What the fuck do I have to complain about?”

“Your mother was killed by your father who also tried to kill you. You were sold to the highest bidder when you were a mere child. You fell in love with someone you feel you can’t be with.” Dr. Woodrow flips back through her notebook with deliberate movements. “Did I miss anything?”

“That is the past.”

“Things that happen in the past tend to linger, Eve. What happened to you is bound to stay with you forever. It affects you. You may be a powerful woman in the business world, but you’re not immune to human emotions.”

“Obviously,” I mutter.

“Have you talked to Lainey lately?”

There’s that familiar flip of the stomach. That extra little beat of the heart. Damn it.

“Every day. She’s my partner.” Unfortunately, not in the way I’d like her to be.

“I think you know what I mean, Eve.”

I sigh. “Doc, we don’t spend every moment talking about how we can’t be together.” Just some moments. “In fact, I try to avoid it for her sake.”

Dr. Woodrow clicks her tongue and writes something down. “I’ll address that in a later session. First, have you talked to Adam?”

“Every day. He’s my husband.”

“You’re being particularly stubborn today, Eve. If this is how you want to conduct the session, it’s a waste of time for both of us. I came here straight from the airport after a very long flight. If you’d rather not be here, let’s call it a night and go our separate ways.”

Well, Willamena Woodrow is not playing games today. She must be as tired and irritable as I am.

“I apologize. And, while I never really wish to be here, I made a promise.”

“There’s one of your biggest mistakes.” Dr. Woodrow closes her notebook. “This will not work if you’re doing it for someone else. Whether that’s Lainey, Adam, Bella, it’s not enough. You have to do it for you, Eve. No one else. The others, they may feel the residual effects of your time here, but only if you allow you to be here for yourself.”

Damn it. “For me.”

“Right. What do you want for you, Eve? Let’s take everyone else’s feelings out of it. Take all of the consequences away. Say what you would do the moment you walk out of here when everything is right in your world. Don’t think, just say what’s in your heart.”

I close my eyes and let my heart show me the future I desire the most.

“I go home, and Lainey is waiting for me. The boys are still up, playing with Bella. Lainey looks up at me and smiles, welcoming me home with open arms and a light kiss. There’s an easel in the corner of the living room because I can’t bear the thought of being away from my family for too long. So, I paint right there while they play or while Lainey reads.”

“And how do you feel in this scenario?” Dr. Woodrow asks softly.

“Happy,” I whisper.

“What else?”

“Just happy.” I open my eyes. “Is that even possible?”

“For you to feel happiness?”

“Without guilt,” I amend.

Dr. Woodrow leans forward. “I believe that the one thing we forget as we get caught up in our lives is that we’re all adults. We may get hurt or hurt the people we care about, but we’re resilient. We move on. Unless you refuse to let yourself live, you move on.”

“You’re saying I’m blocking myself.”

“It’s a very real possibility, Eve. You’re stuck in limbo. Paralyzed by your love and desire to be with Lainey, and your obligation to Adam and Bella. You’re not moving forward. You’re not even in the moment, Eve, because you’re afraid that by living, you’ll be hindering someone else from living their life.”

“Won’t I?”

“People survive heartbreak, Eve. I believe that with enough discussion, anything can be worked out.”

“Do you think I could survive the loss of my daughter, Dr. Woodrow?”

“You’re a good mother, Eve. Adam knows that. But he couldn’t keep her away from you just because you don’t want to be with him if that was your choice.”

“I cheated.”

“While some would see that as a moral indiscretion, it is not illegal. Nor does it play a role in determining who gets custody of a child. Unless you have some kind of prenup?” she asks.

“No prenup.”

She nods. “My best advice for you will always be to talk to Adam. People are more intuitive than you realize.”

“I’ve been thinking about it. Even if I don’t end up with Lainey, it’s not fair to Adam to keep stringing him along. I love him. I truly do. But it’s hard for me to be with him now.”

“Is sex off the table with Adam?”

I avert my eyes. As much as he has tried to be with me, I can’t. Of course, that makes me feel like shit. He’s a desirable man and very good at sex. But . . . “I haven’t been able to be with him since I was with Lainey in Paris.”

“I see. Is that because you’ve realized Lainey is the one you truly want to be with?”

“I . . .” I have no idea how to answer that. Is it the reason? Or is it something more?

“May I ask you something personal?” The doc asks into the silence.

I let out a very unladylike snort. “What in the hell have you been doing since the moment I first walked into your office?”

Dr. Woodrow smiles devilishly. Sometimes she makes me wonder what she’s like outside of the office. According to Dr. Woodrow’s niece Rebecca, she’s a hoot. I’ll take Rebecca’s word for it. Not that I don’t like the doc. It’s just hard to look at her and not think about all of the shit I’m going through.

“Has sex with Adam changed for you? Do you no longer enjoy it?”

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy it . . . him. How can I be with him, give him hope, when I honestly don’t know if I can stay?”

“What is it like at home between you and Adam?”

“Awkward at times. Comfortable at others. He’s incredibly sensitive and attentive. Then, things change and he’s distant and irritable. I can’t blame him because I’ve been distant. I make it a point to have Bella with us at all times.”

“And when it’s bedtime?”

“I stay awake until he falls asleep. Reading, doing nonsense stuff on the computer, researching artists. There’s always something I can do to keep myself busy. I know he knows what I’m doing, but he never says anything.”

“Is that a problem? Do you wish he would say something? That he would fight you? Or perhaps that he would leave you, so you don’t have to be the bad guy?”

“I’m already the bad guy, Dr. Woodrow. With that being said, maybe I do wish that. I’ve seen him agitated a few times, and each time has been because of me. When I broke up with him the first time, when I was shot, and when I was almost killed again. But when he found out about Lainey, he shut down. There was no yelling, no anger. I don’t know why that makes me feel worse.”

“He asked you to stay away from her,” Dr. Woodrow reminds me. She doesn’t need to remind me of that. I felt my heart tear in two that day.

“Only to change his mind when I went crazy. And I’ve slept with her since then,” I remind her in return.

“I’m going to put a jar here on the table and each time a patient says they’re crazy, I’m going to make them add five dollars.” She raises an eyebrow at me. “Except you. You will have to put five hundred bucks in.”

It just so happens that I’m taking a sip of tea the moment she flings that at me. I somehow manage not to spit the liquid in her face. As tempting as it is. “How is that fair?”

“You can afford it. Five dollars is nothing to you. Maybe if I make a dent in your deep pockets you’ll get the hint,” she said defiantly.

“I get it. You don’t like the word crazy.”

“I don’t like that you think you’re crazy, Eve. Though I will admit that sometimes love does make us a little . . .”

“Crazy?”

“Ah, ah.” She waggles her finger at me. “I was going to say bonkers.”

I laugh out loud. “I take it that’s the medical terminology?”

“The extremely clinical term, yes.”

She says it with such a straight face that it makes me laugh harder. I honestly think this right here is the reason I keep coming back to therapy. It drains me. Leaves me completely raw. Yet, these moments of levity by the good doc heal bits and pieces of me. I feel a moment of normality in my chaotic life. Even my time with Lainey is strained these days because there’s so much tension there. We just try to ignore what kind of tension it is until we figure something out.

“So, I can say I’m bonkers without having to pay the fee?”

Dr. Woodrow taps her lips with a fingertip. “Hmm. Since it is the clinical term, I may allow it in the right circumstance.”

“Thanks,” I smile slightly before it fades. “I have to talk to him.”

“I agree.”

“I’m working my way up to it. But I think I have to talk to Lainey first.”

“Working your way up to that one, too?” The doc asks gently.

“Yes. I see the way she looks at me. I know she wants me as much as I want her. But I’m also intelligent enough to know that she would never choose me over her kids. And I would never want her to.”

Dr. Woodrow nods. “Believe it or not, you’re making progress.” She chuckles. “When you roll your eyes, I’m reminded of how young you are. It’s not always apparent when someone meets you. Of course, you look young, but you have an old soul. I like the moments I get to see what’s underneath the sophistication.”

“Underneath the sophistication. My childish side?”

“I wouldn’t say childish. I’d say unguarded. There aren’t many of those moments with you. Have you ever had one with Adam?”

I shake my head. “That’s not who he wants. He fell in love with a confident, strong woman.”

“So, you’ve hidden your vulnerable side to him. And Lainey?”

“She sought out my vulnerability,” I confess. “She wasn’t fooled by the façade. I don’t think I ever had a choice than to be exposed with her.”

“My professional response to that is, the woman you portray to the world, Eve, is not a façade. You are that woman, through and through. However, you’re also the sweet, sensitive woman underneath.”

I resist rolling my eyes again for fear I’ll look even more childish. “It was much easier being the one without a heart.”

“You’ve always had, and always will have, a heart, Eve. I’ve heard quite a bit about your generosity through my niece.” She sighs. “I know I’ve told you that I can’t make the decision for you and that remains true. I will say, though, I think deep down you know you’ve made your decision.”

“If I take everyone out of the equation, being completely selfish, then yes. I’ve made my decision. Now, I just have to find the strength to do something about it.”

“You have it in you.”

“Yeah, well. As you pointed out, I also have a scared little weakling in me, too.”

“That’s not exactly what I said, Eve.”

“Close.” I hold my hand up when she gets that look on her face. The one that tells me she’s not happy with me. “I apologize. I’m getting tired and cranky.”

Dr. Woodrow laughs softly. “Perhaps you should go have a nap.”

I embrace my inner child and stick my tongue out at her. “I would argue with you just out of spite, but I could absolutely use a nap. Lainey and I will be leaving for L.A. in the morning.”

“Will you use this opportunity to talk to her?”

I shrug. “I promise I will try. Is that good enough?”

“It’s all anyone can ask.”

“Is that my homework?” I ask cheekily. Okay, so stress, lack of sleep, and pure, unadulterated lust for someone I can’t fully have are taking their toll on me. I am adult enough to admit that.

“Your homework is to accept your decision and forgive yourself.”

I scoff. “You could have asked me to take over the world. That would have been easier to accomplish. But, again, I’ll try.”

“It’s all anyone can ask,” Dr. Woodrow repeats.

“Right. Just so you know, that’s never been my experience in life. Trying was not good enough.” I stand abruptly. I cannot get sucked into another conversation about my shortcomings. “I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks.”

Dr. Woodrow stands as well. “You know how to contact me if need be.”

“I do. Thank you, Doc. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Eve.”

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • More
  • LinkedIn

Like this:

Like Loading...

Session Eleven

30 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by Eve Sumptor in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Adam, Eve, Lainey, love, love making, orgasms, sex, therapy, vulnerable, Woodrow

“Sorry I’m late.” I take off my jacket and sit in the chair in front of Dr. Woodrow. I am so tired that, for once, I wish she had a couch that is so cliché for psychiatrists’ offices. Then again, I would probably just fall asleep if she did.

“It’s alright. Thank you for calling to let me know.” Dr. Woodrow smiles kindly before continuing. “I see you’re here alone. I thought Adam wanted to attend another session.”

“He does. He will. However, Bella wasn’t feeling well, so he stayed home with her tonight.”

“The poor dear. Will she be okay?”

I smile at the doctor. “Yes. A bit of a cold, I’m afraid. At least her temperature is leveling off.” Suddenly, I find it a bit odd that we’re sitting here talking about everyday things as though we were friends. Which, I suppose we are to some degree. It isn’t like we haven’t seen each other outside of the sessions. In fact, Dr. Woodrow has purchased a few pieces of art from me, and she and her husband have attended many functions with Adam and me.

“Is it uncomfortable to speak to me as a friend, Eve?”

I blink at her for a moment.

“It’s uncomfortable that you seem to be able to read my mind,” I respond teasingly.

“Have I?” she chuckles.

“I was just thinking that it was odd to speak to you about other things besides my problems. But no, it’s not uncomfortable.”

“Good. Would you like to tell me about your week? How were things between you and Adam after our session?”

“Um, quiet,” I confess. “First, my week has been busy. Auctions, speaking with artists about shows, charity functions. All very normal for me. But what hasn’t been normal is my and Adam’s love making,” I finish quietly.

“What do you mean?”

I hesitate for a moment, trying to find the words to express what has been going on in the bedroom.

“I think Adam took what we discussed here a little to personally. He feels like he’s been too dominate in our love making, and he’s . . . changed. Not that it hasn’t been wonderful,” I add hastily. “It’s just been different.”

“Different how?”

“He’s very gentle. Passionate.” I let out a frustrated sigh. I’m not explaining this right. “He’s been that way before, and I love it. What I’m trying to say is that he hasn’t been, um . . . ”

“He doesn’t dominate you anymore?”

I actually blush a little. I didn’t think that could happen anymore after all I’ve been through.

“No, he doesn’t. It hasn’t been rough or dominating or reckless. It’s like he’s consciously making the effort not to lose control. He’s holding back.”

“Have you discussed this with him?”

“No,” I sigh. “I want to, but I don’t want him to think I’m not enjoying the sex we are having. I am. I just . . . ” my voice trails off, and I hang my head.

“Eve, it’s understandable that you would want your sex life to continue the way it was. I don’t think you’re complaining, and I don’t think Adam would see it that way either. Communication is imperative in any relationship. If you don’t tell him how you feel, how will he know? Are you still climaxing or have you had to . . . ”

I didn’t think I would ever see the day that Dr. Woodrow would blush. Surely this isn’t the first time she’s talked about this subject. That aside, I think I know what she’s trying to ask and I’m quick to answer.

“I have never faked it with Adam. I never have to and I never will. Yes, he still gives me orgasms this way. Like I said, it’s still wonderful. But I don’t want him to hold back anymore. I want him to be who he is. And sometimes that person loses control, and I love that.”

“Then I suggest you speak to him about it. Let him know that when we had our session, you weren’t complaining about anything with him. It sounds to me as though he’s scared. That maybe if he gives you what he thinks Lainey gives you, you won’t have to have those feelings for her anymore.”

“Ugh!” I slump a little in my seat and lean my head back. “That’s not even what it is. At least not all of it! I don’t know why I’m drawn to Lainey. Believe me, I’ve tried to stop it, but I can’t. Adam changing things in the bedroom with me isn’t going to help.”

“And that’s what you need to tell him,” Dr. Woodrow suggests. “May I ask you a question?”

I chuckle. “Isn’t that sort of your job?”

“I suppose it is,” she smiles. “Was sex with Lainey as fulfilling for you as it seems to be with Adam?”

Oh God. Don’t ask me that! “Um . . . ”

“You know you don’t have to answer, Eve,” she says gently as I’m sure she sees the reluctance in my face.

“Please don’t write this down in your notebook.”

Dr. Woodrow closes her leather bound notebook, and lays it and her pen to the side.

“It was different,” I begin. “Sex with Lainey is – was – beautiful. Yes, it was fulfilling, and exciting. Being with Adam is exquisite. He’s powerful and talented. Sincere and loving. It’s extremely fulfilling.” I bring my legs up, curling them under me in the chair. I wonder if Armani envisioned one of his power suits being used in such a childish way. “It would be so much easier if the sex hadn’t been wonderful.”

“With Lainey or Adam?” Dr. Woodrow asks softly.

Well, isn’t that the million dollar question. I’m a coward. I know this, I accept this. And because I’m a coward, I refuse to answer that question.

“I want things to go back to the way they were with Adam,” I say instead.

“The only way that will happen, Eve, is if you tell him how you feel. I realize that talking about your feelings is difficult for you. You’ve held them in for most of your life. But if you want your marriage to work, you have to be honest with each other.”

Just the idea that my marriage could be in trouble makes me shiver with dread. I love Adam so much. So why in the hell do I still have feelings for Lainey?

“How are things with Lainey?” Dr. Woodrow asks, interrupting my internal chastising.

“Good. Fine.”

“Eve?”

Sigh.

“We’re fine. We’re still close, but there are moments when there’s awkwardness between us. We’re trying to get back to the friendship we had before we . . . ” Before we what? Ruined it? Made a mistake? Why don’t I feel like being with Lainey was a mistake? Perhaps it was wrong because she’s married, and I was with Adam. Do I regret it? I can’t.

“Can you tell me what just went through your mind?”

“I was trying to think of being with Lainey as a mistake. I was trying to regret it.”

“But you can’t,” she guesses.

“No. I can’t.” I hate that even though I don’t regret it, my voice still carries a bit of guilt.

“I don’t think that’s wrong, Eve. You did what your heart told you to do at the time.” She smiles at my raised eyebrow. “I’m not an advocator of cheating,” she says gently. “But I can’t find fault in something that helped both you and Lainey so tremendously.”

“Helped me so much I can’t paint.”

“I don’t think your affair with Lainey is what caused you to stop painting, Eve.”

My eyes snap up to hers. Had I really said that out loud? “You don’t think it plays a part?”

“Actually, no. Perhaps Adam finding out the way he did plays a small part, but I think everything concerning your past, your parents, Agent Donovan and Laurence is what is blocking you. Your love for Lainey and Adam opened up your ability to let those deeply buried feelings out. That’s not a bad thing, you just need to learn how to manage it.”

“They’re all dead. What am I still fearing?” I whisper.

“You.”

“Me?”

“I’ve gotten to know you pretty well, Eve. You’re very good at showing that confident, strong side. When people look at you, they see a powerful, successful woman. Inside, you don’t feel that way all the time. Your fear is being the victim you were all those years ago. Your fear is that you’ll be weak enough to let all of this take away the confidence you so carefully built. When you buried those emotions a long time ago, that was your defense. Now they’re out in the open, and it has left you feeling vulnerable.”

“I hate it.”

She chuckles. “I know you do. But it’s a process you have to go through. Eve, you have people who love you and want to help you. You’re not alone in this. Don’t be afraid to lean on those people. Remember, it’s not weakness to need help.”

I take a deep breath. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all anyone can ask,” Dr. Woodrow smiles, then looks at her watch. “Would you like to stop here?”

“Yes.”

“Very well. Perhaps Bella will be feeling better next time, and Adam can attend with you. But until then, Eve, talk to him. Don’t make him have to figure this out on his own.”

“I will talk to him. I promise.”

“Good. Perhaps you should just attack him tonight. Let him know that slow and gentle isn’t what you need all the time.”

I laugh heartily as I make my way to the door. “Why Dr. Woodrow, I’m shocked! Who knew you had it in you?” I tease.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” she smirks. “Good night, Eve.”

“Good night, doc.”

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • More
  • LinkedIn

Like this:

Like Loading...

Session Nine

09 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Eve Sumptor in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Adam, betrayal, confessions, Eve, fear, guilt, kiss, Lainey, love, vulnerable

“Hello, Eve.”

Dr. Woodrow greets me with a friendly smile as I sit down in front of her. Her office has always been relaxing to me. It’s painted in a mute mint color and the furnishings are understated, yet impeccable. Like the doctor herself. Just being here brings me a feeling of peace.

Today, however, I feel agitated. I don’t really want to be here. I don’t want to talk about my past. I don’t want to be vulnerable.

“Doctor.”

She tilts her head and studies me long enough to make me fidget. I hate it when she does that. I don’t want her to see into my soul.

“Are you having a bad day?” she asks gently.

“Not really,” I lie. In reality, it’s been a tough day. I chose today to ask Lainey if she would be willing to come in for a session. I sigh inwardly as I remember what happened.

“Can you tell me what the sigh was for?”

I look up sharply. I hadn’t realized I had sighed out loud.

“Today I asked Lainey if she would be willing to come in for a session,” I explain.

“I see. How did that go?”

I sigh again. “It was fine. She was hesitant at first, but asked if it would help me if she did.” I look at the doctor. “I really don’t know if it will, but since you suggested it, I said yes.”

“I think it will,” she states, then waits for me to continue.

“She agreed. I thanked her by hugging her. I didn’t think about it, it was just natural for me.”

“Eve. Lainey is your best friend. Why wouldn’t you feel natural hugging her?”

“Because of everything that has happened between us.”

“I don’t think you should withhold all affection because of that. In fact, I think that would be harmful for you both. It would put an even bigger strain on your relationship.”

“The strain my affection for Lainey puts on Adam is killing me,” I mutter.

She frowns a bit. “Did something else happen between you and Lainey?”

I feel tears start to fill my eyes, and I blink rapidly to keep them at bay. I’m sure I don’t fool the doc, though, since I see her writing in her notebook.

“Eve?”

“I almost kissed her.” My confession was said so fast that it almost sounded like a five syllable word.

“I see.”

“What does that mean? What do you see?” I ask irritably. “Please tell me, because I don’t see! I’m in love with my husband! What is it that draws me to Lainey? Please. Help me.” My plea sounds pathetic to my own ears, I can only imagine what the doctor thinks of me.

“Eve, what you felt for Lainey is not going to just go away. It doesn’t just stop. She was the first person you trusted completely. Lainey is the one that helped you begin to break down the walls you built around you.”

I shake my head. “I am married, doc. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. Lainey is married. What we feel is wrong.”

Dr. Woodrow did something she rarely does. She showed her emotions. Her eyes flashed with what I thought was annoyance, and her fingers clenched her pen.

“Eve.” She takes a deep breath, and I can only assume it’s to calm herself down. “You have this notion in your head that life and relationships are black and white. You are letting this guilt about having feelings for Lainey consume you. We will not be able to move forward until you can forgive yourself for being human.”

“Adam walked in when I was hugging Lainey,” I confess softly. “The look on his face shattered me. He tried to hide it, even tried smiling at both of us, but I saw it. I saw the distrust and sadness. How do I forgive myself for that?”

“Did you explain to him why you were hugging Lainey?”

“Of course. But I think it only made things worse.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I asked Lainey before asking him.” I leaned forward, putting my elbows on my knees and burying my face in my hands.

“Why do you think you did that?” dr. Woodrow asks while writing down notes. When I shrug, she continues. “You do know. Don’t come up with an answer that you think will satisfy me, tell me the truth.”

“Because I hate when Adam sees me vulnerable,” I confide. “I know he asked me to come here and talk to you, but knowing that and actually having him here to see me . . . like this . . . ” my voice trails off as that thought makes me extremely uncomfortable.

“How do you think it makes Adam feel when you shut him out like that?”

I know her question wasn’t meant to be mean, but it still felt as though I had just been slugged in the gut. “This isn’t who he fell in love with,” I murmur.

“I beg to differ, Eve. You, are exactly who he fell in love with. Flaws and all. You are also the one he stood beside during everything that happened. Even after learning of your feelings for Lainey.” When I didn’t respond, Dr. Woodrow sighed, wrote a note, and looked up at me again. “Did you ask Adam if he’s willing to sit in on a session?”

“Yes.”

“What did he say?”

“He readily agreed.” I raise my head and look at the doc solemnly. “He deserves so much more. He would be better off with someone who can give him all he deserves without all the damn problems.”

“Eve, you just told me that you love Adam with every fiber of your being. You are not whole at the moment, for many different, very legitimate reasons. I think Adam realizes that. You both deserve to live and love without the past hindering you. But I don’t think Adam would be better off without you.” She reaches over and places a comforting hand on my forearm. “He would not be happy without you, Eve. I’ve seen you two together outside of the office enough to know that. You need to give both of you a chance. I would like to see you and Adam next time. Are you ready for that?”

“Adam first?” I ask hesitantly. I want to work this out, and I want Adam to know that I love him completely. But it’s still hard for me to let my vulnerable side show.

“Yes. I think Adam needs this as much as you do, Eve. I believe that one of the reasons you still feel so drawn to Lainey is because you’re still closing a part of yourself off to Adam. A part that you still feel safe only showing Lainey.”

I consider that, then nod. Maybe she’s right. Hell, she is a psychiatrist. Am I ready for this?

“I will ask if he will join me next time.”

Dr. Woodrow smiled brightly. Maybe she thinks this is a breakthrough. I sure hope so. These conflicting feelings, plus not being able to paint is beginning to wear thin.

“Very good. I look forward to speaking with you both next session.” She stands, as do I. “It will be okay, Eve. Remember you’re safe here. Adam wants to be there for you, I think you know that.”

I nod. I do know that. I just have to let him in.

“Thank you, doctor. Have a good night.”

“Goodnight, Eve.”

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • More
  • LinkedIn

Like this:

Like Loading...

Recent Posts

  • The Truth About Eve
  • Eve Sumptor is Back
  • Session Seventeen
  • Session Sixteen
  • Session Fifteen

Recent Comments

Susan on Eve Sumptor is Back
MLSG on Session Seventeen
Parker on Session Seventeen
Sia on Session Seventeen
Eve Sumptor-Riley on Session Seventeen

Archives

  • July 2019
  • October 2018
  • March 2018
  • November 2017
  • September 2017
  • January 2015
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
Follow Eve Sumptor on WordPress.com

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Goodreads

Jourdyn Kelly Author Page

Jourdyn Kelly Author Page

Recent Posts

  • The Truth About Eve
  • Eve Sumptor is Back
  • Session Seventeen
  • Session Sixteen
  • Session Fifteen

Recent Comments

Susan on Eve Sumptor is Back
MLSG on Session Seventeen
Parker on Session Seventeen
Sia on Session Seventeen
Eve Sumptor-Riley on Session Seventeen

Archives

  • July 2019
  • October 2018
  • March 2018
  • November 2017
  • September 2017
  • January 2015
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Eve Sumptor
    • Join 52 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Eve Sumptor
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
%d bloggers like this: